Stories that left us in stitches

Many have heard the term, "accident prone", and it congers up is an image of someone who just seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Is it carelessness?  Is it a measure of risk taking?  Or is it just bad luck lurking nearby?  Perhaps, it's nothing more than a combination of all of these things.  Well, when my brothers and I were kids, we would have been characterized as accidents waiting to happen and that's where this story begins.

Growing up in a large family, increases the odds of mishaps, and we were no exception.  We spilled things, broke things, and occasionally had other minor incidents that could be characterized as accidents.  Naturally, many were minor but some of them required the expertise of our very own team doctor, otherwise known as dad.

Before my 2 younger brothers and I were in school, we spent our days entertaining each other under the watchful eye of our mom.  Naturally, she tried to accomplish anything she could while keeping 3 very energetic preschoolers busy.  We helped her with things that potentially wouldn't create a hindrance to the goal of managing a household.  She mentored us as painters, carpenters, and even short order cooks on occasion.  Of course, the list of projects seemed endless, and the list grew faster than she could check the things off.

On this particular day, my mother was interrupted by a phone call from my aunt.  The 2 of them would discuss adult stuff while my brothers and I carried on.  When the door bell rang we quickly offered to see who was there.  Well, it was a gentleman delivering a package from the USPS.  It was as if it was Christmas day; we couldn't wait to open it up to see what treasures were inside.  Since mom was distracted with her phone call, this was the perfect opportunity to take matters into our own hands.  In those days, packing tape was rarely used and this package was tied up with twine.  Naturally, we hadn't learned how to untie those feisty knots, so I thought a sharp knife might help our cause, and since my brothers were younger, it was up to me to do the cutting.  The ideal choice was this black, bone handled carving knife that was quite accessible in the kitchen.  Before giving any further thought to this undertaking, I was swiftly cutting through the twine to unveil the contents of the package.  However, what I hadn't given much thought to was the proper technique needed to use such an instrument, and before I knew it, I had sliced through the twine and the momentum carried the blade right into my forehead, boink!  I had successfully opened both with one swift stroke.  At first I didn't think too much of it, but when the blood came dripping down my face, I knew I needed an adult's assistance.  I proceeded to interrupt my mother's phone call while still holding the knife in my hand.  What a sight that must have been, young boys crying, a sharp knife and blood spurting; this would have been a bit of an unsettling scene for my mom, and always, she handled it calmly.

In 1963, my parents were frantically preparing to take 8 kids on an extended vacation to visit family in Wyoming.  The washer was doing double time and my father was getting his patients settled in with covering MDs.  The older siblings were responsible for themselves, but the youngest of us well, we were simply not supposed to get into trouble.  However, trouble typically found us!

The preparations were progressing as planned considering the challenge, but that's when the wheels came off.  My younger brothers and I offered to carry the bags to the car for the ride into Boston's South station where we were scheduled to catch the train heading west, but we encountered a slight, unplanned detour.  While moving the bags into the car, the car's middle seat, which was folded up to allow access to the back, fell down onto my youngest brother's foot, perfectly between his big toe and second toe.  The fountain of blood followed quickly thereafter.  I reacted by frantically informing my mom that I thought the toe had been severed off; fortunately, a detail that was incorrect.  Once again, the team's physician was called in to assess the situation, and since my father's surgical skills were being tested regularly by this group, he was equal to the task.

Not surprisingly, these are just a few of the many stories from our active lives growing up.  I recall that my older brother suffered at least 3 lacerations, my next younger brother had sutures at least once, my youngest brother had them several times, including on successive days, while I counted having had them more than 20 times in those early years  There was a lot of mileage in suture material alone recounting these tales.  As for my sisters, they seemed to have been somewhat spared by comparison.  No doubt, if we all sat down today and recalled the number of times we needed the team physician and his appointed assistant, my mom, to help him, the stories would have us all in stitches!

This diet is no ‘Dud’ or is it?

There has been an ever evolving litany of diets published over the years which have touted successes from losing that stubborn midlife weight gain to curing cancer.  Mind you, some have achieved immediate traction while others quickly have failed simply because of their impractical precepts.  The human body is a remarkable, miraculously engineered marvel made up of intricately balanced parts performing regularly at a level of unparalleled perfection.  Even when disruptive forces arise, the body wants to correct the imbalances to preserve its functional capacity, a beautifully conceived creation indeed.  However, every so often we push ourselves to the limit of reasonableness, and that's where this story begins.

What would you say if I told you that you could eat all the protein that you wanted but must drastically restrict your carbohydrates?  There are diet experts who believe this is the desired method for weight loss. I suspect you've heard of the more recognizable Atkins or South Beach diets too; and for the all the non dieters out there, the "see food" diet seems to be quite popular.  Sadly, this is the one diet that seems to be a good "fit" for the largest number of individuals in our society. Even with all these options, other diets continue to surface and become popular.  The true test will come over time, but nothing will replace a good old fashioned, balanced diet, unless it's a "dud".

One of my friends has done multiple endurance athletic events, including an Ironman, several marathons and long distance trail runs to name just a few.  Her sheer willpower and determination is remarkable to say the least.  I marvel at her ability to commit to something and even in the face of setbacks, she perseveres and achieves her goals; noble qualities at any level.  However, what perhaps has me most puzzled is her ability to do much of this on a rather unconventional diet to say the least.  Most athletes today pay very strict attention to their diets and the intake of, shall we say junk food, is nearly forbidden.  Why even Tom Brady has explained his absolute adherence to such restrictions, especially during his playing days.  However, there are those who don't follow conventional wisdom.

If I told you that I was going to propose a diet strictly of peanut butter, corn chips with the occasional salsa, protein bars, and Milk Duds you probably would look me straight in the eye and say I was nuts.  I'd agree that it does appear to be rather restrictive to some, but if you follow it religiously, you will be able to compete in the Ironman and do a variety of other endurance events, if you wish to do so.  Sound suspect?  Well, what I would say is that it isn't for everyone.  In fact, it may only be for one unique individual, who would probably have most of us for lunch on race day.  Now that's a diet my friend would surely feast on!