Armchair quarterbacks are everywhere

The college and professional football seasons are well underway. That's when everyone becomes a quarterback, and at best, most of us are nothing more than first string armchair quarterbacks.

An armchair quarterback according to Webster is:
1. a viewer who criticizes conduct of games: somebody who is certain that he or she can make better calls than the coaches or players while watching a competitive sport on television
2. a giver of unwanted advice: somebody who offers unwanted advice about how to do something or tries to supervise an activity without being asked

If it isn't obvious, armchair quarterbacks are guaranteed perfection because they have 20/20 vision, retrospectively. However, there is almost always an exception to the rule, and it's time you heard about this one.

However, when I was in my youth, my father discouraged me from playing because I was "undersized". He told me many times, that if the coach would permit me to be the kicker, then he would allow me to play. His advice seemed sage enough, but the coach viewed it differently, so, I ran X-country instead.

When I was in my postgraduate training, the school put together an intramural tackle football league. It was made up from the other various academic schools and the School of Medicine. I had never played tackle football before, and having put on a few "lbs", I thought that it was time to kick off my football career and join the team. We held a few practice sessions, without contact, and I volunteered to be the punter. It was all going according to plan until my roommate drafted me to fill in as the backup QB. Having studied for all those years watching "game films", I agreed to "act" as a substitute, if it became absolutely necessary. So, I memorized the playbook, and even came up with my own version of the flea flicker, the iso-flip pass.

We opened with a road game, I believe in Zacatecas. The team traveled over the night before, and they put us up for the night all around the city. We didn't play until later on, so they showed the sights of town beforehand. We felt like we were playing in the "super bowl" the way treated us. Unfortunately, when it came to the game, well they were slightly over matched. I just remember after going up 28-0, the "coach" thought I should take a few "snaps". We started on our own 3 yard line, not much breathing room for this rookie QB. However, after a couple of plays, we found ourselves near the 30 yard line, and I thought, "time for the bomb". So, I called for this pass play that seemed to have some success in practice, not really knowing what I was doing, except that I had probably done it a million times on the practice fields. After the center snap, I dropped back, stepped up, and threw a perfect spiral. My teammates wondered where the "hell" I was throwing it, but when the receiver and the ball were united downfield and I had completed this 70 yard touchdown pass, they asked, "Where did you learn that"? Calmly and confidently I said, "What's so hard about this game"? That was just the beginning of our "perfect" season. We went undefeated, the only season of football I ever played.

Although I was the QB at the end, the starting quarterback went back home before the season ended, my friends had dubbed me, "Armchair". As you can see, that year I truly became a veteran of the game. There aren't many people who can claim that they took a team from "nothing" and made it to the top in one season. My friends later awarded me the "Heis-hombre" trophy recognizing that some "armchair" quarterbacks actually let their actions speak louder than their words; ready, on two, break!